If adults were only more like kids...

My wife teaches kindergarten at a different school.  At her open house, she had a parent express some concerns.  Because the child was white in a predominantly black school, the mother was worried about whether he was making friends.  My wife assured her that the boy was doing fine in class, and that he seemed to be a normal boy with a normal amount of friends.  Then the mom mentioned a little girl that her son had mentioned from class.  My wife explained that the boy and girl played together a lot on the playground, and although they didn't sit at the same table, she'd see them waving to each other across the room at times.  The mom smiled at this and replied, "He said he's going to marry her one day."  At this point, my wife started laughing hysterically.  The mother, thinking that my wife only thought it was funny because of their age, then asked another question. "My son says that she's nice, but she talks funny.  Why is that?"  Through another fit of laughter, my wife replied "That's because she doesn't speak any English.  She moved here from Mexico less than a year ago." 

It's pretty amazing that two kids who can't even talk to each other can find a way to build a strong friendship.  If two kids can get past a difference as difficult as the language barrier, you'd think adults could find ways to get along and respect each other's differences as well.

Why I Do This Job

This year has been very frustrating so far.  We have a lot of new policies in place, and a lot of new requirements of our time and resources.  Every year you want to get started and get into a routine so that the kids, as well as yourself, can get comfortable.  So far, there is no routine because all of us teachers are running around like chickens with our heads cut off.  If this has been a frustrating year, then yesterday was an even more frustrating day.  I was feeling very overwhelmed with all of the new things I'm supposed to be (and have had no time for) doing, and was grouchy all day.  During naptime, I noticed one of my kids was not on his mat, but sleeping partly on the floor.  When I went to lift him back to his mat I could feel that he had wet himself while he was sleeping.  This was a perfect ending to what had already been a bad day.  I had to wake him up, and this is one of my younger boys who still needs help getting dressed and undressed, so I had to help him do all of this.  While he was trying to step into his shorts, he had his hands on my shoulders for balance, which meant our heads were close together.  At the same instant, we turned our heads and ended up bumping heads with each other.  It was a pretty solid whack, and he winced pretty good so I could tell it hurt him, but his first reaction was to place his hand on my head where we had bumped and give me a rub so that I could feel better.  It's kind of funny how when you're having a bad day of teaching, a lot of times you get a good reminder of why you put up with so much to do what you do.

First Day Back

Here's a quick funny story from my first day back to school:

Today we were doing a name game where the kids say a chant while slapping their legs and clapping their hands.  When it's their turn, they get to say their name to the class, and the class tells them "hi".  One little hispanic girl had been crying since she'd been dropped off.  When it was her turn to say her name, she said it was "Chiyona".  The class then said "Hi, Chiyona!".  What made this funny was that her name is not Chiyona, and the word chiyona is Spanish slang for "crybaby".  My assistant, who's Hispanic, and I were cracking up.

Fun With Food!

A few random thoughts about pre-k and food:

In any given school year, at least half of my students will refer to broccoli as "trees" the first time the cafeteria serves it.

In any given year, I'll have at least one student who routinely gets more food into his hair, onto his face, and onto his clothes than he does into his mouth.

A few years back I had a girl who midway through the year decided that she did not like milk anymore.  This is a problem, because we get milk with breakfast and lunch, and there's no other option.  Finally, I told her that I wasn't giving her milk.  She eyed the carton suspiciously, and then said "what is it?"  "That's moo-juice," I responded.  "It's my favorite!".  She looked at me funny, then took a sip, breaking into a smile.  "I like moo-juice!" she exclaimed. 

If someone spills their milk, somebody else will be quick to tell on them... even if they have to spill their own milk to do so.

We were served chicken one day, and it wasn't very good.  I hardly ate any at all, and most of my kids were just picking at it.  Except for one boy, who was essentially gnawing on the bone after eating every last ounce of meat.  He looked at me and said "This chicken so good make you wanna slap yo momma!"

In my room we have what we call the "home center".  The home center contains a table and chairs, and a toy fridge, faucet, phone, stove, cabinet, etc. etc.  The kids love this center, and the girls like to pretend to cook meals for the boys.  I never put much thought into this until I walked by the home center one day and overheard a little boy say "Make me a motherf------ pancake, b-----.   I was shocked, but at the same time I have a juvenilistic sense of humor, so I had to run outside and laugh for a couple of minutes before I could come back in and get onto him.

5 Ways You Can Count on Pre-K Students to Get in Trouble While Eating

1. Students WILL blow bubbles in their milk with their straw
2.  Any foil that is used to package food WILL be turned into a foil ball.
3.  Milks WILL be knocked over while students turn around in their chairs to see what's going on behind them.
4. Students WILL try to eat food that has fallen on the floor, or eat food with utensils that have fallen on the floor.
5. Students WILL complain about boy milk and girl milk depending on the color of the writing on their carton.

Funniest Misunderstanding

I've talked before about getting away with things that I probably wouldn't get away with if I was a woman, and one of those things is my appearance.  I wear an un-tucked t-shirt, khaki pants, and a 12-year-old pair of Dr. Marten's to school everyday, and nobody looks twice.  I also only shave about once every 3 weeks, which is saying something, because I grow facial hair FAST.  I have friends who wait 3 weeks to shave and look like they have a little fuzz over their lip, but when I wait 3 weeks to shave I have a full-grown dark black beard.  I'll tell you all of this to set up the following story:

About three years ago I had the pleasure of going to San Francisco over spring break to visit my best friend from high school.  While I was there I knew we were going to make a trip to Yosemite, and I also knew it was going to be cold, so I didn't shave for a few weeks leading up to spring break.  I also did not shave during the week of spring break, or the two weeks after spring break.  As you can imagine, by this time I'm looking an awful lot like Zach Gilifianakis.  Add to this the fact that it was now April, and I had last gotten a haircut sometime in early October, and I was looking pretty rough (by rough i mean awesome).  Anyway, during the time that I was looking so rough, we happened to be teaching about farm animals.  One day one of the teachers down the hall had baby chicks hatch in her incubator, and i borrowed them to bring to my room for the children to see.  They loved the birds, and were very excited for the rest of the day.

That evening, I decided it was finally time to go get a haircut.  My hair was probably 8-9 inches long, and I buzzed it down to almost nothing with a 1-guard on the electric razor.  I also shaved off my heinous beard.  It felt much cooler outside after I lost probably a pound of hair, but I was still a little dissapointed to see it all go. 

When I arrived at school the next day, my children were offput by my new look, to say the least.  I looked SO different from what I had the day before that several of them would not speak to me for a couple of hours, and one boy broke into tears because he didn't know who I was.  Personally, I thought the kids' reactions were pretty funny, and they were even better behaved for the "new guy" than they had been for me the day before. 

At the end of the day, one of my little girls looked up at me, and she asked, "Mr. Lucas, where yo bird at?"  I looked at her and said, "Well, baby, I had to take it back down the hall to Mrs. Williamson's room."  Again, the little girl looked at me and says "No!  Where's yo bird at?!?!", and  I said "I had to take the baby bird back to the other room.  It's not our bird, but maybe we can go visit it sometime."  Finally, she rolled her eyes at me and says "NO!  WHERE'S YO BIRD AT?" and the whole time she takes her hands and rubs them on her face. 

Silly me.  I thought she was talking about the baby chickens I'd brought in the day before.  In all actuality, my "bird" was my beard.  I'd shaved it off, and she wanted to know where it had gone, and she wasn't going to quit until I knew exactly what she was talking about.

The Most Embarrassed I've Ever Been At School

At school we have a group of older ladies known as "foster grandmothers".  Basically, they each spend a 6-week period with a room before moving on to another room, meaning each teacher usually gets a grandmother for one 6-week period a school year.  These grandmothers are essentially volunteers, so it's nice having them around because most of them really care about the kids.  That being said, these ladies are also quite old, mostly in their 70's and 80's, so they're often limited on what they can do with the children.  Anyway, I bring up the grandmothers to bring up the time that I was most embarrassed while at school.  I needed to use the restroom pretty bad, so I went into the teacher's lounge.  Our single bathroom in the lounge has a sign on it that flips.  One side says "occupied", the other says "unoccupied".  When I arrived to the door, the sign read "unoccupied".  I could also tell the light was off in the restroom because it wasn't shining under the crack at the floor.  Even so, as is my habit, I knocked loudly, which got no response.  Finally, I opened the door to go pee, and there sitting on the pot, WIPING HERSELF as I walked in was the oldest of our foster grandmothers.  It would've been embarrassing enough just to walk in on her on the pot, but to catch her at full wipe... that was terrible.  So, let me lay this out for you: the sign said the bathroom was empty, the light was off, nobody answered the knock, the door was unlocked, and all of this added up to me walking in on a little old lady taking a crap.  Not one of my favorite school memories, to say the least. 

Spring Break

Sorry for the long layoff, but our Spring Break was last week.  I needed the break, but now I'm back and ready to share some more stories.  I don't have much time today, but I will share this little nugget: my wife had a little boy in her class last year who at lunch said the following: "this chicken so good make you wanna slap yo momma!"

Sad Day

One of my favorite things as a teacher is seeing one of my past students that I haven't seen in a long time.  Because my school is pre-k only, I do not get to share the pleasure that so many other teachers have of getting to watch their ex-students grow up throughout grade school.  Today, I got to see one of my students from my 2nd year of teaching, so it's been close to 3 years since I've seen him.  Sadly, it was pretty heartbreaking.  He's in his 3rd month of chemo and radiation at Texas Children's Hospital.  He's already had major surgery, and a long scar goes from almost the base of his neck to midway up the back of his head where a brain tumor was removed.  The kid I remembered was this little short, pudgy kid with long hair.  The kid I saw today was tall and gaunt with just a fraction of noticeable stubble on his head.  His voice was weak, and he seemed tired, which is understandable.  As a grown man I can't imagine going through what he's going through now, and he's only 7. 

All that said, it really hit home to me that I can expect more of these situations as I continue to teach. Some of my students will become sports stars that I'll be able to read about in the local paper.  Some will become great students who go on to be successful in various professions.  However, some will become sick, and some will commit crimes, and some will never amount to much at all.  And that's sad. 

Today

We started learning about Texas.  The lesson was pretty introductory, and not really that detailed.  I basically just wanted to introduce to kids to some of the things that Texas is known for.  The kids really struggled with the words bluebonnet, pecan tree, and mockingbird. 

Bluebonnet:  blueblonnet, blew-on-it, blueberry, bublonit, bubonic, bluebird.

Mockingbird: Moppingbird

Pecan Tree: Baton Tree

Good times :)

Nobody Gets My Name Right

Having taught for five years now, I'm accustomed to having children say my name wrong.  There's something about "Mr. Lucas" that gives a lot of these kids fits.  The following is a list of some of the things I've been called over the past few years:

1. Mr. Lewis:  This is pretty unfair to the kids, however.  There are only two men on campus... me, and Mr. Lewis.  We also have three women named Mrs. Lewis, and last year one of their husbands was a permanent sub, meaning we had three men on campus, Mr. Lucas, Mr. Lewis, and Mr. Lewis, along with Mrs. Lewis, Mrs. Lewis, and Mrs. Lewis.

2. Uncle Lewis:  This is one of my favorites, especially because the girl who called me this looked like Snoop Dogg and had a voice that came straight from her nasal cavity, making it extra funny.

3. Mr. Utus:  I've had a few kids call me this.  Kind of sounds like uterus.

4. Mr. Pelucas:  This translates to "Mr. Wigs" in Spanish, and that, my friends, is funny.

5. Mr. Blucas:  Awesome.

6. Mr. Ukie:  I don't know how this came about, but I answer to the Mr., not what comes after it.

7. Mr. Lupus: My all-time favorite.  I'd go by this all the time if I thought I could get away with it.

8. Papá:  One of my ESL kids early in the year called me this, and my assistant was mamá.  I thought it was funny, but my assistant didn't like being mommy, so we made him quit calling us that.

9. Mr. Ludo:  Another personal favorite of mine.  The kid who called me this had a rather unique name that started with a "v", so I got back at him by calling him "Voldemort".  He didn't get the joke, but it would make him laugh, and he's got these huge dimples that make me laugh, so who cares if he gets the joke or not. 


Now, I'd be remiss if I didn't discuss my assistant's name.  She is Mrs. Hernandez.  For those of you who don't speak Spanish, the proper pronunciation of this name is supposed to come out like "Airnondes".  Unfortunately, not too many of our coworkers speak spanish, so she rarely hears her name spoken properly.  On a much funnier side note, say "Mrs. Hernandez" to yourself.  What does it sound like if you say it quickly?  Yes, that's right: Mr. Nandez.  Probably 80 % of our students call Mrs. Hernandez "Mr. Nandez", and her teaching with Mr. Lucas/Lupus/Ludo doesn't help, because they are conditioned to say Mr. rather than Mrs.  In fact, every card/present/note I've given her has been addressed to "Mr. Nandez".  We have a very unique, but wonderful chemistry, and make a great team.  I'm just glad she can put up with me.

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Pt. 1

I have 7 children in my class this year that are ESL, or English as a Second Language.  My first installment of "kids say the darndest things" will be based on just my ESL kids from this school year.  I might be able to post as many as 10 of these segments once I get into things I've heard over the past five years. 
First off, I have a little boy who talks like he's 40, even though he's only 4.  The following comments are from him:

(In Spanish)  Thank God my mom got me these new shoes without laces.  I was getting tired of sitting out at recess for playing with my laces during class.

(In Spanish, directed at me)  You have a big head, and I will paint it red, yellow, and blue.

(In English) Him: Mr. Lucas, I need to peep!  Me: You need to pee?  Him: Jes, I need to peep!

I also have another girl, and she sits by me at lunch and peppers me with questions like "que es esta?" (what is this?) and "como se dice" (how do you say?) because she wants to know how to say things in English.  She's learned straw and plate and table and milk, etc. etc. etc.  That being said, la cuchara in English is a "poon" rather than a spoon, and el tenedor in English sounds suspiciously like F$#^ rather than fork.  She may say something like "Where is my fork and spoon?" and it sounds more like "Where es me F#!&ing poon?"  It's actually really cute. 

The same girl took awhile to catch onto English, so at the beginning of the year, when I asked her how she was doing, she responded with "mi mamá está en mi casa", or "my mom is in my house".  Again, this is really, really cute when it happens, even if your question is never answered.

I think my favorite so far was my little boy who was talking in the hallway, which is something we are not allowed to do when we are walking.  I asked him "Izaiah, why can I hear your voice?!?"  He jumped at the sound of his name, and then looked down quickly.  He was upset about being in trouble, but I wanted him to answer me, so I asked him again... "Izaiah, why can I hear your voice?"  Still looking down at the floor, and beginning to tear up, he quietly responded, "Because you have ears."  He wasn't trying to be sassy, it was just the logical answer to my question.  I laughed about that one for about three days :). 

Treated Like A Woman

I've already listed ways that I'm treated differently at school because I'm a man, both negatively and to my benefit.  Despite these differences, I must admit that the longer I work with all of these women, the more I'm treated as, well, a woman.  For instance, how many men do you know that have been to a baby shower (apart from maybe one for their own child)?  I've been to two in the last year.  I'm asked for honest opinions about weight, hair, and clothing.  I'm included in the gossip that goes on throughout our school, and I'm quite sure I'm gossiped about as well.  I started noticing these things a couple of years ago, but it wasn't until this school year that I knew I was truly "one of the girls".  A coworker was walking past me in the hall, and moving pretty quickly.  She did not have her kids with her, and seemed to be in a hurry, so I asked her if everything was okay.  Without slowing down, or even saying a word, she simply held up a tampon in front of my face before hurrying down the hall into the girls' bathroom. 

Advantages to Being a Male Pre-K Teacher

There are a few distinct advantages to being a male pre-k teacher.  For me, the most important advantage is appearance.  I don't deal with a lot of pressure to keep up my appearance.  I often go weeks at a time without shaving, and I only cut my hair 2-3 times a year.  People often comment on me "growing out my beard".  I don't grow out my beard, I'm just too lazy to shave.  It's also worth noting that I'm currently wearing a 10-year-old pair of Dr. Marten's boots, and the left one is held together by yarn.  It helps that I'm not trying to impress anyone, but do you think a woman could get away with something like this without being talked about?

Another advantage to being a male pre-k teacher is something that I actually confirmed by reading a study recently: women work harder to take care of men in traditionally female professions.  It's the opposite in traditionally male professions, where men often see women as threats.  At my school, I think the women see me as more like a mascot.  Being a male,  my coworkers are more patient with me, and more willing to let me slide when it comes to things.  Being a male, I feel it is important to be visible around the school, and I do my best to provide some attention to as many kids as I can, even those from other classrooms.  I do this because so many of them are not getting male attention at home.  One side effect of this is that I might walk past a classroom who is going down the hall and have 17 kids screaming my name when they see me.  You have a perfectly quiet class one minute, and the next minute the whole class is talking and screaming.  Teachers don't get nearly as upset about it as you'd expect.  I think if I was a woman it would be a bigger deal.  I'm also pretty outspoken at times about things I don't agree with, and people don't get upset with me like they might if others said them.

Being a male, I have a HUGE advantage when it comes to classroom management.  Year in and year out I have one of the best behaved classes in the school.  My first year my kids were terrible, but that was because I still didn't know what I was doing.  I learned a lot from my assistant that year, and haven't had a bad class since.  It helps that my current assistant is very good with classroom management/discipline as well.  This year we have a class that I can honestly say I believe would walk all over a good portion of the other teachers at this school.  I owe the majority of my success in the area of classroom management and discipline to being a male.  I even have several teachers that bring a child or two out of their rooms to me from time to time to straighten them up.  Having a deep voice is a big help when you work at a school where corporal punishment is not allowed.

Disadvantages to Being a Male Pre-K Teacher

 I'm a pretty typical guy, despite my line of work.  This means that I am not organized, and I am not artsy.  All teachers need to be organized, and Pre-k teachers need to be artsy.  I work around these two obstacles daily.  My assistant is both organized AND artsy.  For this I am grateful. 

As I've said before, I'm a pretty typical guy, despite my line of work.  That being said, I am MORE than capable of peeling wallpaper off of the walls in a bathroom.  Naturally, I'm self-concious about this issue.  So, with that explained, let me explain the restroom situation at my school.  We have ONE lounge restroom, with ONE toilet in it.  We have two boys' rooms, with ONE adult toilet between the two of them.  We also have two girls' rooms in which i do not enter.  So, I have a total of TWO toilets in the entire school that I can use.  One of those toilets is shared with like 96 women.  The other is in the boys' restroom, but during the school day teachers are constantly taking their classes to the restroom, so it's not safe either.  If I really need to use the restroom, I try to wait until classes let out.  This way I know that teachers aren't going to walk in on me.  Unfortunately, the female janitor in charge of cleaning the restrooms usually comes in shortly after school lets out, so I'm never really safe.  Yes.  This is a disadvantage.  I'm expecting to develop intestinal problems any day now.

On a more serious note, being a male teaching this age group has one very frustrating disadvantage.  People who do not know me often question my desire to teach.  People often expect the worst from a man who surrounds himself with children.  I'll be the first to admit, I WOULD BE SUSPICIOUS if my pre-k child had a man for a teacher.  It's a natural worry, and I do all that I can to make parents feel at ease.  I don't take the girls to the restroom, I don't take any child to the restroom alone, I stay on the computer during naptime away from the sleeping kids, etc. etc.  Although I would never do anything to a child, I still do what I can to assure my parents.  Fortunately, I've been blessed to have understanding parents who've been willing to let their children stay in my class, and I believe they're happy with the results.  My classroom next year will include two younger siblings of past students of mine. 

It's hard to keep a low profile.  I'm a minority times three at my school.  I'm one of two men out of about 100 employees.  I'm white, while only around 20% of our staff is white.  Finally, I'm under the age of 30, which means I'm one of only 6 or 7 employees this young (in fact, I'm the 2nd youngest teacher on campus, even after five years here).  What does this mean?  It means everybody notices me.  Say I get special permission to leave early from the principal.  What happens?  People notice.  Say I order a pizza and have the delivery driver meet me at the back door.  What happens?  People notice.  Say I drink a coke to wake up a bit before class starts, and then have to run to the restroom at 9:30 and then again at 11:00.  People notice.  When I'm absent, people notice.  When I get irritated at something somebody says at a meeting, people notice.  Sometimes you just want to lay low.  Fortunately enough, I can be a bit of an attention-hog, so it usually doesn't bother me too much.

I get asked to move things.  A lot.  Of course I don't mind helping, but you still get tired of lifting this shelf and putting it here, or that shelf and putting it there.  Several times a year I'm asked to move something heavy, and I can honestly say I don't mind.  I'd be lying, however, if I didn't admit to dreading our teacher workdays a little bit.

So, as you can see, it's not always easy being a man in a woman's world.  Tomorrow I'll list a few of the advantages to doing what I do.

How Do You Do It?

There are two questions that I get all of the time... "How do you handle working with all of those women?" And "how do you handle working with all of those three-year-olds?"  Here are my answers to each:

How do I handle working with all of these women?  Most importantly, I have a supportive wife who is able to handle the fact that I go to work every day with almost 100 women.  In college all of my classes were with all girls, and all of my study groups, and all of my internships.  I know it was hard for her at first.  Imagine going to you the college library and seeing your husband sitting at a table studying with 5 or 6 girls.  Now imagine that occuring constantly over three years of education courses.  I know at times it was hard on her, and I worked hard to make sure she knew she could trust me.  I must have done something right, because she's still around, and I'm lucky to have her.  Apart from her support, there are other things that are important when working with all women.  The scientific studies claiming that women who spend a lot of time together have their menstrual cycles at the same time is no myth.  Every month there are a few days where there seems to be more tension around campus.  During these times I do my best to lay low.  Staying out of conflicts is CRUCIAL to my survival.  If the women turn against me, I'm in big trouble.  I also do my best to provide sound advice to my friends at work.  I've essentially become "one of the girls", but I can provide insight into the male psyche, and from time to time I dispense a little advice. 

How do I handle working with all of these three-year-olds?  That's easy... I'm the world's biggest three-year-old.  I have fun every day at work.  I've found the perfect job: I get to play everyday at work, and I get to make a difference in children's lives when I do it.  There is the occasional day when I don't feel like going to work, or I'm not in a good mood, but thankfully those days are few and far between.  I've also been blessed to have a long line of wonderful assistants who have helped make my job easier.  The assistant I have now could easily teach the class herself.  She's been working with children for 30 years.  That type of experience is indespensible.   All in all, it's tough to complain when you have a job that you love more days than not, especially when you factor in the wonderful schedule.  I love it!

Why I Teach.

I didn't have any idea what I wanted to do with my life when I was a junior in high school.  I was fortunate enough to end up in a mentoring program where I had the opportunity to go to a local elementary school three days a week for an hour to spend time with disadvantaged kids.  I initially signed up for the program for the chance to get out of class for an hour every day, and also to hang out with some of the pretty girls in the program, but within a couple of weeks I was hooked.  I was in this program for two years, and by the end of the first year I knew I wanted to teach.  I dealt with children as young as five, and as old as 11, and I enjoyed my time with every child, but I knew that I wanted to work with younger kids.  It just happened to work out that when I graduated college, the first interview I got was with a local Head Start.  Being a man, I had an advantage during the interview process, and within two days I learned that I had gotten a job. 

What to expect.

In this blog I'll share funny stories from teaching, and also about what it's like to be a man in a woman's profession.  This blog is a result of an excellent inservice that my school district provided.  I originally made a silly blog just to satisfy the requirements of the course, but over my lunch break I decided that I could actually use this blog to share some of my experiences in the teaching field.