The Most Embarrassed I've Ever Been At School

At school we have a group of older ladies known as "foster grandmothers".  Basically, they each spend a 6-week period with a room before moving on to another room, meaning each teacher usually gets a grandmother for one 6-week period a school year.  These grandmothers are essentially volunteers, so it's nice having them around because most of them really care about the kids.  That being said, these ladies are also quite old, mostly in their 70's and 80's, so they're often limited on what they can do with the children.  Anyway, I bring up the grandmothers to bring up the time that I was most embarrassed while at school.  I needed to use the restroom pretty bad, so I went into the teacher's lounge.  Our single bathroom in the lounge has a sign on it that flips.  One side says "occupied", the other says "unoccupied".  When I arrived to the door, the sign read "unoccupied".  I could also tell the light was off in the restroom because it wasn't shining under the crack at the floor.  Even so, as is my habit, I knocked loudly, which got no response.  Finally, I opened the door to go pee, and there sitting on the pot, WIPING HERSELF as I walked in was the oldest of our foster grandmothers.  It would've been embarrassing enough just to walk in on her on the pot, but to catch her at full wipe... that was terrible.  So, let me lay this out for you: the sign said the bathroom was empty, the light was off, nobody answered the knock, the door was unlocked, and all of this added up to me walking in on a little old lady taking a crap.  Not one of my favorite school memories, to say the least. 

Spring Break

Sorry for the long layoff, but our Spring Break was last week.  I needed the break, but now I'm back and ready to share some more stories.  I don't have much time today, but I will share this little nugget: my wife had a little boy in her class last year who at lunch said the following: "this chicken so good make you wanna slap yo momma!"

Sad Day

One of my favorite things as a teacher is seeing one of my past students that I haven't seen in a long time.  Because my school is pre-k only, I do not get to share the pleasure that so many other teachers have of getting to watch their ex-students grow up throughout grade school.  Today, I got to see one of my students from my 2nd year of teaching, so it's been close to 3 years since I've seen him.  Sadly, it was pretty heartbreaking.  He's in his 3rd month of chemo and radiation at Texas Children's Hospital.  He's already had major surgery, and a long scar goes from almost the base of his neck to midway up the back of his head where a brain tumor was removed.  The kid I remembered was this little short, pudgy kid with long hair.  The kid I saw today was tall and gaunt with just a fraction of noticeable stubble on his head.  His voice was weak, and he seemed tired, which is understandable.  As a grown man I can't imagine going through what he's going through now, and he's only 7. 

All that said, it really hit home to me that I can expect more of these situations as I continue to teach. Some of my students will become sports stars that I'll be able to read about in the local paper.  Some will become great students who go on to be successful in various professions.  However, some will become sick, and some will commit crimes, and some will never amount to much at all.  And that's sad. 

Today

We started learning about Texas.  The lesson was pretty introductory, and not really that detailed.  I basically just wanted to introduce to kids to some of the things that Texas is known for.  The kids really struggled with the words bluebonnet, pecan tree, and mockingbird. 

Bluebonnet:  blueblonnet, blew-on-it, blueberry, bublonit, bubonic, bluebird.

Mockingbird: Moppingbird

Pecan Tree: Baton Tree

Good times :)

Nobody Gets My Name Right

Having taught for five years now, I'm accustomed to having children say my name wrong.  There's something about "Mr. Lucas" that gives a lot of these kids fits.  The following is a list of some of the things I've been called over the past few years:

1. Mr. Lewis:  This is pretty unfair to the kids, however.  There are only two men on campus... me, and Mr. Lewis.  We also have three women named Mrs. Lewis, and last year one of their husbands was a permanent sub, meaning we had three men on campus, Mr. Lucas, Mr. Lewis, and Mr. Lewis, along with Mrs. Lewis, Mrs. Lewis, and Mrs. Lewis.

2. Uncle Lewis:  This is one of my favorites, especially because the girl who called me this looked like Snoop Dogg and had a voice that came straight from her nasal cavity, making it extra funny.

3. Mr. Utus:  I've had a few kids call me this.  Kind of sounds like uterus.

4. Mr. Pelucas:  This translates to "Mr. Wigs" in Spanish, and that, my friends, is funny.

5. Mr. Blucas:  Awesome.

6. Mr. Ukie:  I don't know how this came about, but I answer to the Mr., not what comes after it.

7. Mr. Lupus: My all-time favorite.  I'd go by this all the time if I thought I could get away with it.

8. Papá:  One of my ESL kids early in the year called me this, and my assistant was mamá.  I thought it was funny, but my assistant didn't like being mommy, so we made him quit calling us that.

9. Mr. Ludo:  Another personal favorite of mine.  The kid who called me this had a rather unique name that started with a "v", so I got back at him by calling him "Voldemort".  He didn't get the joke, but it would make him laugh, and he's got these huge dimples that make me laugh, so who cares if he gets the joke or not. 


Now, I'd be remiss if I didn't discuss my assistant's name.  She is Mrs. Hernandez.  For those of you who don't speak Spanish, the proper pronunciation of this name is supposed to come out like "Airnondes".  Unfortunately, not too many of our coworkers speak spanish, so she rarely hears her name spoken properly.  On a much funnier side note, say "Mrs. Hernandez" to yourself.  What does it sound like if you say it quickly?  Yes, that's right: Mr. Nandez.  Probably 80 % of our students call Mrs. Hernandez "Mr. Nandez", and her teaching with Mr. Lucas/Lupus/Ludo doesn't help, because they are conditioned to say Mr. rather than Mrs.  In fact, every card/present/note I've given her has been addressed to "Mr. Nandez".  We have a very unique, but wonderful chemistry, and make a great team.  I'm just glad she can put up with me.